Killing Time

In a day or two I will be celebrating my 32nd birthday; ancient for a cat, awfully young for a hobbit. For the past 5 years or so, I have been telling people a lie: that I am already in my mid-thirties. It wasn’t deliberate. I sort of blurted it out a few times at work when asked by colleagues and clients and it just stuck. By my own count, I should have reached the big four-oh last year but the sad fact is there are still many years to pass before I reach the age people claim life would begin.

There is no observation for me to make on this 32nd year of my life. But I do have one small wish. I wish people would stop wishing that I would get a boyfriend and get hitched. It’s a repetitive theme every time this time of the year rolls around. "Dear Raf, happy birthday and I pray you will cepat2 get a boyfriend and get married." There is no way I can respond to such sms except to smile. You can’t get mad at people for wishing you well, no?

Maybe one day I will wake up, bite my nails and shiver at the prospect of not having a husband in my life. When that happens, I promise I will courageously, unashamedly, unreservedly admit my recklessness and buy a husband at the husband shop, wherever I can find one that sells good quality, un-intimidated by my scary brilliance, men.

But till then, this is it. Ijah Amran. Singular, unadulterated, one, un-coupled. And most importantly, happy.

Postscript: If you must, Ijah’s indulgence list is as follows. One for each year of my life:

1. Fresh Martin strings.
2. Fresh guitars.
3. PS3.
4. A subscription to Electronic Gaming Monthly.
5. Bloom lipstick in Sheer. Muchos thank you to darling Job.
6. MNG clutch and coin purse.
7. Adidas wristwatch. Mine is missing/misplaced. Found! It fell behind a mountain of black clothes. Bought a new one too. Can’t resist. It’s pink!
8. Mr Children’s Wonederful Night DVD.
9. Earrings.
10. Jellybeans.
11. A pair of skinny jeans that fits.
12. A pair of knee high ‘don’t mess with me’ boots to go with the skinny jeans.
13. A second, appreciative look from pretty girls. And boys.
14. Hush Puppies Zero-G mary janes. Them shoes are made for walking.
15. TGIF Mocha Mud Pie. Ice cold with a cup of coffee.
16. Golf clubs. Don’t ask me. Any kind will do, I guess. I wouldn’t know. I’m a golf virgin.
17. Foundation that matches my troubled skin.
18. 
    True Love by Elizabeth Arden. Replaced with Bright Crystal by Versace.
19. Photographic memory.
20. Rechargeable SONY batteries.
21. Books. Any language, any subject, any writer.
22. Sparkly black tops. No. I don’t have too many.
23. Emails. Even if you have nothing else to say but ‘Hi’.
24. Leather bracelet in black. No studs.
25. A new bed, firm hypo-allergenic mattress and plump pillows.
26. Godiva’s Chocolate Elixir. Divine.
27. Aten’s homemade durian ice cream.
28. Superman baby tees. From the ever lovable, forever young Ibu Wita.
29. Playing cards. Hola Roma & Venice. Thanks to Awa.
30. Black cardigan.
31. The one ring.
32. Anything Japanese >> Music. Food. Accessories. Clothes. Men. Not necessarily in the same order.

It has been a great week. Sure, the rain may dampen a lot of spirits but for me it is like love is in the air (oi,  metaphorically speaking). The new job is fun, funny and is making me fall in love with what I do all over again. Now, if only I can get out of the golf thing………… *long  sigh*

Anyway, without naming names, a few days ago while trying to waste a Saturday afternoon, I browsed through my Friendster’s Friends list and looked for profiles that listed those dinosour rock bands from the 80’s and college circuit rock bands of early 90’s under Favourite Music. Why? Partly thanks to one Mister Chris Cornell (how I ended up watching James Bond frolicking semi naked in the Carribean is one story I rather not explain) and the other part to YouTube, my interest in rock music and infatuation with Japanese superbands was renewed. So, I busily looked for Goo Goo Doll’s ‘Better Days’ and ‘Stay With You’ (long live open source) pausing only to stare open-mouthed at the disgustingly talented Sakurai’s  rendition of Shirushi (special note to Awa: it is muy excelente. ¡Sé hablar español! It’s exhausting to like them/him this much!). And while all these were going on, I decided to fill the seconds in between with reading other people’s profiles. And, this is how I ended up getting an earful from a stranger.

Let’s call this stranger X. X has an interesting photo travelogue.  A hint: think of the garden gnome in Amelie, or the famous Bert is Evil spoof a few years back.

So, I sent X this message (a faithful reproduction although the names have been changed to protect the innocent): <name deleted>’s cute. Reminds me of the garden gnome from Amelie.

The next day, X replied: <name deleted> would’ve typed this himself … But he had a busy weekend , so he’s still snoring at home … He asked me to say thanks for the nice words … Cheers ..

So. X has a sense of humour. You thought that would be the end of it? Hah. This compulsive typist just had to poke further. X lists the following in the profile (in the interest of preserving X’s copyright, I only reproduce part of the list)

Fav Movies: How To Lose A Guy in 10 Days, Pulp Fiction, Trainspotting, High Fidelity
Fav Music: U2, Justin Timberlake, Babyface and Peter Pan
Fav Shows: CSI, Friends and Smallville

Now, me being the elitist that I am could not resist sending X my comment: How can you like How To Lose A Guy in 10 Days and Pulp Fiction at the SAME time? It’s like saying Julio Iglesias is equivalent to Pink Floyd. Not in THIS universe. Maybe <name deleted> can teach you a thing or two about cinema noir. Non? Rgds, ~IA

And, ladies and gentlemen, imagine my amusement when I read X’s reply: So , does that mean since I enjoy Pulp Fiction / Reservior Dogs / Snatch … I can’t watch and enjoy romantic comedies like Jerry McGuire / How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days / Love Actually … ? I can’t watch summer blockbusters like X-Men / Star Wars / Casino Royale … ? I can’t watch cartoons such as Shrek / Finding Nemo / Wallace & Gromit … ? I can’t watch classics like Breakfast At Tiffany’s / Ben Hur / Apocalypse Now … ?

Just because I listen to Foo Fighters / U2 / GreenDay … I can’t listen and appreciate pop acts like Aguilera / Beyonce / Orrico … ? I can’t listen to RnB like Mary J Blige / Babyface / R Kelly … ? I can’t listen to dance like Usher / Jamiroquai / Moby … ? I can’t appreciate 80s music like Duran Duran / Spandau Ballet / INXS … ? I can’t listen to Indon bands like PeterPan / Dewa / Sheila on 7 … ? I can’t listen to classics like Sinatra / Bocelli / Ray Charles … ?

I don’t need anyone to tell me what I can or cannot watch / listen to …

To me , if someone is too closed minded to appreciate and enjoy variety and diversity … it’s his / her loss … not mine …

Regards …

My oh my. I am guessing here but I think the diatribe was written in extreme agitation and annoyance. And to my shame, instead of feeling remorseful, I laughed.

In my defense, I am blaming it on the rain (cliche intended). And I did send an apology though I was smiling broadly when I did so I don’t think it came out sincere. Probably not. Aih. You can’t win them all. I must watch Austin Powers again coz am losing my mojo, baby.

But this has been a great week. And the roast, in whatever spirit it was intended, made my day so all’s well. I think there is a moral in here somewhere but I am too old to care.

In case I get sued by X, my privacy policy and disclaimer applies!

Bonus round: I’ll take you to an expensive and super lavish dinner if you can figure out who X is.

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ADDENDUM

From Merriam-Webster:

Main Entry: roast

Pronunciation: ‘rOst

Function: verb

Etymology: Middle English rosten, from Anglo-French rostir, of Germanic origin; akin to Old High German rOsten to roast

transitive verb

1 a : to cook by exposing to dry heat (as in an oven or before a fire) or by surrounding with hot embers, sand, or stones <roast a potato in ashes> b : to dry and parch by exposure to heat <roast coffee beans>

2 : to heat (inorganic material) with access of air and without fusing to effect change (as expulsion of volatile matter, oxidation, or removal of sulfur from sulfide ores)

3 : to heat to excess <roasted by the summer sun>

4 : to subject to severe criticism or ridicule <films have been roasted by most critics — H. J. Seldes>

5 : to honor (a person) at a roast
intransitive verb

1 : to cook food by heat
2 : to undergo being roasted

SPECIAL POSTSCRIPT

Title: Shirushi (Proof)
Words: Sakurai Kazutoshi (Mr Children)
Music: Sakurai Kazutoshi (Mr Children)

we each listened to our hearts beating to different tempos
as if things were meant to be this way from the start

no matter what words I choose, it sounds insincere
I crumple up the letter I wrote with the left side of my brain
and throw it away

do you hear the voice of my heart?
It’s in this silent song…

darling, darling, I’ve seen you from many different angles
all of them exquisite, you’ve shown me what love is
now you’re trying to show me by way of subtle techniques *1
that your uncertainty is a precautionary border
to keep you from getting hurt.

someone makes fun of our picture, "you two make such a pair"
Do we look alike? Or is it that we’ve started to?

we faced one another with such seriousness
that it was almost a burden to get on with it
so much so that it makes me jealous of the thoughtless guy I used to be. * 2

no one will hear the voice of my heart
I’m ok with that, it’s better that way.

Darling, Darling,
I know you have many faces.
no matter what I do,
when I remember you, it pains me so.
more than all those memorable days on my calendar
my memory is filled completely by vivid memories
of every second of every day with you. *3
we cry, we laugh
it’s a precarious sort of feeling but
it is proof of you and me.

Darling, darling
I’ve seen you from so many different angles
even if the day we can no longer be together comes our way
I don’t think it matters because I can’t help loving you.

Darling, Darling
Oh my darling
Maddeningly, and vividly
you fill in my memories completely
Darling, Darling.

Translated By: Brian Stewart & Takako Sakuma

Translator’s Notes: The title "Shirushi" could be translated as Mark or
Seal. I chose proof because of the context of the lyrics the way I
interpreted them. I think the word mark fits just as well though. We
think the song is a love song about being away from someone for a long
time. The opening lyrics would at first seem to indicate a "doomed
love" but we think Sakurai means it as "we nestled in clsoe and felt
eachother’s pulse."

* 1 - When Sakurai writes nyuansu, he means subtle things the girl does
to make it clear that she wants him to understand her misgivings. The
meaning is a bit different than the literal translation of the English
nuance.

* 2 - I saw this line as being that he’s jelaous of the carefree jerk
he was, because now he has to deal with something he can’t run away
from. It might be a conversation, it might be sex. He’s saying that
he’s growing up and there’s a lot of presssure that comes with that.

* 3 - the "every second of every day with you" comes from the word
kokizami which in this case means the smaller measurement of time. More
than the birthdays, anniversaries and landmark events in their life, he
remembers the minutest details and his memory is overrun with them. So
much it drives him mad.

the above transliteration was taken from the excellent Centigrade-J