A Lemming, I Am Not
Today I spent a small fortune buying make-up. It wasn’t spurred by anything in particular. I think I was beyond being stressed out. Without a thought in my head I decided I want to throw out all my existing make up and buy something new.
To you boys out there who think make up is frivolous, well, that’s why you’re still single and reading this blog instead of wrestling under the sheets having swinging sex so hot that the neighbours call the police to bang on your door to keep the noise down.
Anyway, I bought, in no particular order: blush from Body Shop, pink eyeshadow and plum mascara from Clinique, green and yellows and blues quad eyeshadow from Red Earth, plum lip stain from Estee Lauder, smooting serum by TREsemme and essential liquid wash by ZA. The look on my face when I tallied up the bill? Priceless. For everything else… there’s always mastercard.
As I walked pass Renoma, my heart beat a little faster when I saw a black leather heel with lace trimmings at the window display. Did I buy it? Some things are better left a mystery.
Ah. The situation at work. Workwise it has improved. The politicking - worsened. It’s not that I don’t have the guts or the heart to get down and dirty, the point is, boys and girls, I do not want to get down and dirty.
So, I am opting out. It is an option that I have now exercised.
I need to explain this bit. There is a certain level of nonsense and backbiting and bitchin’ and fish-mongering that I deliberately tolerate. Trust me, where work is concerned, I have a very high tolerance level. So you hate me? Who cares. The feeling is mutual.
What I will not tolerate is mediocrity and the constant pulling of each other to ensure that everyone operate on the same mediocre level.
I was looking through my albums the other day and as I was flipping the pages, I had the urge to re-read my mission statement. Okay, you can laugh. But when I was 18, I committed a few promises to myself on paper. The first of the promises happened to be (and I am looking at the paper as I type this) to live with integrity and uncompromising honesty. I thought about it long and hard. While I have not been pushed to the point that I need to do any compromising, I am acutely aware that I cannot continue operating this way without feeling that I am being dumbed down. I don’t need to be beautiful, that’s what the new bag of make-up is for. But I need to be smart. I need to be sharp. The mind is a sad thing to waste. So, before I lose my intuition, my sense of prediction, my gut feeling… before I lose my ahbility to think beyond the current situation, the kindest things to do to myself is to get out of the situation before it slides even further.
I will not be a lemming.
I will not be a lemming.
I will not be a f**king lemming.
