Killing Time

Before I say anything let me put it on record that Sakurai is so impossibly cute  it’s hard for me not to get heart palpitations just by looking at his photos. How can someone this talented be THIS cute too?! So unfair. There should be a rule that says you can only be either one  and not both. I read Awa’s blog where she made reference to Drawing. That song reminds me most of Jai. I dreamt of him a couple of days ago and longed to talk to him but I guess I have nothing much to say. It’s counfounding. We didn’t part in bad terms. And I am mad for no reason. Someday all these will make sense but for now I think I still have a few dreams left where I will wake up feeling angry about nothing in particular. But yes… if I could draw better and better pictures, all I ever really wanted to draw is you. *Sigh* Sakurai should be shot for writing my thoughts out like that.

Anyway, I am almost back on earth. Almost, but not yet. Things have not slowed down enough for me to be able to sit back and resume my life that has been put on hold. But, no complaints. Last night I played the guitar and laughed till I almost fell out of my little bed when I realized I could not remember the lyrics to most of my songs. Halfway across the globe Awa and her motley gang of friends are religiously memorising Wishlist and I can’t even sing through the first verse without going ummm… errmmm.. and substituting the words with la la la. As if my vanity is not bad enough, I am, at this very moment, listening to my own songs over this huge headphones that blacked out all background noise. The irony of it all, it is playing Goodbye Song… which was written for Jai.

Maybe I should get shot in the head. Put me out of my misery, says Soul Asylum.

The kids are at my place. I woke all of them up this morning by yelling at the top of my lungs, "If you want breakfast, wake up NOOOOOOOOOOOOOW!!!" and four pair of feet scrambled to get to the bathrooms. Lording over little kids is my specialty.

Anyhow, this post’s purpose is to announce that I am still alive and well and breathing. So, I will stop here before I rambled and expose more than I care to write a disclaimer for later.

Anyhow, this post’s purpose is to announce that I am still alive and well and breathing. So, I will stop here before I rambled and expose more than I care to write a disclaimer for later.

The weekend beckons! I end with the transliteration of Not Found by Mr Children. Seems apt.

Artist: Mr. Chlidren
Title: Not Found
Words: Sakurai Kazutoshi
Music: Sakurai Kazutoshi

I end up relying on something I can’t see and running away.
You’re quick to beg me to show you something physical.

Things which contradict one another are insisting on justice.
How deep loving is.

To what extent are we supposed to understand each other?
This emotion and anguish can’t become a song or lyrics.
I want to touch you, even if this irritation brings with it pain
even if its painful… (give me) a smile, a smile

I want to be decieved by love’s wonderful lie.

The person I thought I was, is showing me a different face.
I wonder if that has something to do with you ?

How long will it be until I can forget
this regret and hatred from my past.

I want to touch you, resting on the gentle breast
(let me hear) that dubious lullabye one more time just one more time…

The place I discovered yesterday,
I try jumping to it today but
for some reason NOT FOUND today NOT FOUND

Rising and Sinking like a Roller Coaster

Ah how far do I have to go to get there ?
this hope and despair that accumulate right before my eyes
even if its painful… (give me) a smile, a smile one more time…

Translated By: Brian Stewart & Takako Sakuma (www.centigrade-j.com)

This entry was posted on Friday, December 9th, 2005 at 1:42 am and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.