Killing Time

Today I woke up and thought… hmmph I’ll go for a swim. So I dug out the new swimsuit that I bought just before I went to Manila, spent 5 minutes cursing trying to figure out how the strappy thing work and then had a dip. As a consequence, right now I am nursing a cold. Guardian pharmacy ran out of Clarinase or Zyrtec (free advertisement) so I settled for a Clarytine instead. I have also sprained my right thumb when I tried to hold the heavy fire resistant door for some people but the idjit in front slammed it shut. I almost cursed. Almost.

Manila was the bomb! I am almost afraid to post any of the photos in here. Heh. I had a great time, definitely one of the most enjoyable working trip that I have ever had. Job has been trying very hard to convince me that the Bangkok guys can party just as hard as the Phil boys. I can’t wait to be the judge of that!

Naah… I didn’t look anything remotely as hot as Ms Jolie in hotpants for the wargame. But I had bigger guns!

Sir Randy lent me his uniform and his ‘baby’ for the wargame but I sucked so bad it would not have mattered if I had gone into the warzone buck naked with a glitter ball on top of my head. War game reminds me of those Satria Muda times in BP (curses).  I wished I had paid more attention when they taught us about guns and war strategies. All I knew was what I learned from movies, which was basically crawling stylishly on the ground while trying very hard not to get hit. Of course the moment I decided to move my head an inch, it was hailing bullets. Howell was being nice but I am sure all he wanted to say was get this useless f*cker off the warzone!

I went ebay shopping-crazy yesterday. Spent 15 minutes buying Glay’s & Mr Children’s albums; which was something that I wanted to do for months. Ebay is soooo much cheaper than elsewhere. I will never buy Japanese music retail again! Then I browsed for designer sunglasses and shoes, which I don’t need, and ended up buying a Japanese 4-fold silk screen instead. How did I get from sunglasses to furniture, who knows?

Ita is buying a car. Yay! I am more than happy to help her sort it out. Ruby is moving out (as opposed to her on-off existence in the apartment) because her new MyVi keeps getting scratched. According to Aning, last week the guard clamped her car coz someone complained that she was parking in an illegal spot. Why would people do that? That was just evil. Anyway we are reclaiming the parking space for Ita’s Waja (hah did you think we were going to get one of those small, cramped cars? My backside won’t fit into anything smaller.) and I am taking over the bigger bedroom. Hence the Japanese silk screen. I also bought some Japanese paintings and silk cloth to be made into curtains. Aaaah see, I knew if I keep typing eventually I would be able to explain the silk screen purchase. When Ruby said she had to leave coz she couldn’t stand the abuse to her car anymore, I was already fantasizing the color scheme for the room (purple and moss green, but only if I can con someone to do the paint job for free). I am sure if I bare enough boobs, someone is bound to volunteer.

All in all, it has been a good December.

Before I say anything let me put it on record that Sakurai is so impossibly cute  it’s hard for me not to get heart palpitations just by looking at his photos. How can someone this talented be THIS cute too?! So unfair. There should be a rule that says you can only be either one  and not both. I read Awa’s blog where she made reference to Drawing. That song reminds me most of Jai. I dreamt of him a couple of days ago and longed to talk to him but I guess I have nothing much to say. It’s counfounding. We didn’t part in bad terms. And I am mad for no reason. Someday all these will make sense but for now I think I still have a few dreams left where I will wake up feeling angry about nothing in particular. But yes… if I could draw better and better pictures, all I ever really wanted to draw is you. *Sigh* Sakurai should be shot for writing my thoughts out like that.

Anyway, I am almost back on earth. Almost, but not yet. Things have not slowed down enough for me to be able to sit back and resume my life that has been put on hold. But, no complaints. Last night I played the guitar and laughed till I almost fell out of my little bed when I realized I could not remember the lyrics to most of my songs. Halfway across the globe Awa and her motley gang of friends are religiously memorising Wishlist and I can’t even sing through the first verse without going ummm… errmmm.. and substituting the words with la la la. As if my vanity is not bad enough, I am, at this very moment, listening to my own songs over this huge headphones that blacked out all background noise. The irony of it all, it is playing Goodbye Song… which was written for Jai.

Maybe I should get shot in the head. Put me out of my misery, says Soul Asylum.

The kids are at my place. I woke all of them up this morning by yelling at the top of my lungs, "If you want breakfast, wake up NOOOOOOOOOOOOOW!!!" and four pair of feet scrambled to get to the bathrooms. Lording over little kids is my specialty.

Anyhow, this post’s purpose is to announce that I am still alive and well and breathing. So, I will stop here before I rambled and expose more than I care to write a disclaimer for later.

Anyhow, this post’s purpose is to announce that I am still alive and well and breathing. So, I will stop here before I rambled and expose more than I care to write a disclaimer for later.

The weekend beckons! I end with the transliteration of Not Found by Mr Children. Seems apt.

Artist: Mr. Chlidren
Title: Not Found
Words: Sakurai Kazutoshi
Music: Sakurai Kazutoshi

I end up relying on something I can’t see and running away.
You’re quick to beg me to show you something physical.

Things which contradict one another are insisting on justice.
How deep loving is.

To what extent are we supposed to understand each other?
This emotion and anguish can’t become a song or lyrics.
I want to touch you, even if this irritation brings with it pain
even if its painful… (give me) a smile, a smile

I want to be decieved by love’s wonderful lie.

The person I thought I was, is showing me a different face.
I wonder if that has something to do with you ?

How long will it be until I can forget
this regret and hatred from my past.

I want to touch you, resting on the gentle breast
(let me hear) that dubious lullabye one more time just one more time…

The place I discovered yesterday,
I try jumping to it today but
for some reason NOT FOUND today NOT FOUND

Rising and Sinking like a Roller Coaster

Ah how far do I have to go to get there ?
this hope and despair that accumulate right before my eyes
even if its painful… (give me) a smile, a smile one more time…

Translated By: Brian Stewart & Takako Sakuma (www.centigrade-j.com)