Killing Time

Today I ate char siew. That’s roast pork for you uninitiated. Kris asked me, so how do you find it? I said, (while munching and munching) … it tastes just like … tofu.

No need to jump off your rocker. In my defense, I was at a vegetarian restaurant and I didn’t know I was eating faux pork. Actually, in that restaurant you can eat crocodiles, monkeys, wild boars and civets and they all would taste like dried up soya bean skin.

I also found out that Kris is on a leave of absence from the army. I gasped. He laughed and said don’t be so shocked, I was discharged honourably from the army. I’m not an A.W.O.L.

I asked him why did you leave? He said it was because of Desert Storm.  I did a double take. You mean you weren’t with ATM? The burly, jolly man laughed heartily and said no dear, I was with the American Armed Forces. Near choking, I asked, when you say Desert Storm, you mean THE Desert Storm? He said, yes THE Desert Storm. After that experience, I just had to pack my bags and leave.

But, that was not the only surprise of the day. I asked Kris if he went to Westpoint. He smiled and said no, I went to Langley. I gasped even louder. For those of you who have not kept up with your Alias and X-Files terminology, that means Kris was an FBI agent. Federal Bureau of Investigation!! I felt so sexy and dangerous. How many of you could say you know a guy who was in Desert Storm AND an FBI agent to boot?

I said hurriedly, Kris! Kris! Next time you fly down from Dubai we must have a long chat.

Kris laughed and said, yes we  must. As long as I agree to have lunch with him at vegetarian restaurants for five straight days. You see, Kris is a vegetarian to atone for his past sins. He actually ATE crocodiles, among other unmentionable reptiles, when he was in the army.

Which was how I ended up eating char siew at the first place.

It has been an interesting day.

I received an
interesting email today from Barb. Here goes:

Dear Rafi,

Received a call from Azni (girl) who says she’s your ’sister’.
Conversation as follows:

Azni: … can I speak to Rafi?

Barb: ….She’s no longer working here.

A: … can I have her handphone no?

B: ….who is this? ….what is it regarding?

A: ….this is a personal call….I’m here sister…..

B: (very stunned that your ’sister’ wouldn’t have your hp no.)
….we cannot reveal such info…. would you like to speak to Ita then? (I
figured Ita would be able to tell if this is a genuine case)

A: ….Ita???

B: (getting more suspicious by tone of Azni’s puzzled
voice)….yes, Ita, your other sister? …let me check if she’s in the office
….

Ita was out of office. Lina intercepted the call & told Azni
to call Ita later. She never did. Personally, I wouldn’t release my
friend’s tel no. unless with prior permission. Do you know this Azni person?

Obviously I was puzzled and suspicious. So I wrote this reply and copied Lina
and Ita:

Dear
Barb,

Wow, I don’t know any Azni and definitely don’t have a sister
named Azni. I would have remembered if I have a sister named Azni, right? That
is VERY strange. I think it is definitely a bogus call. Thanks for the due diligence I appreciate it. Except family and close friends, very few ‘outsiders’ have
my handphone number and those who don’t, well, there’s a good reason why they
don’t have the number.

Lina, who’d the heck is this Azni? We’ve never dealt with anyone
named Azni right? When you told her to call Ita, what was her reaction?

Next, Lina replied:

he he he he

shld i continue the conversation like barb done it? cute la
barb…

ok la.

A: helo Ita, can i have rafizah’s hp no.?

L: yes, nk ckp ngan saper? lina sini

A: errr can i have rafizah’s hp no.

L: saper ckp nie?

A: i Azni, her personel fren la… (sound so hurry!!!) and her
voice not familiar to me.

L: Ok, can u call back ita another 1/2 an hour? Ita will help u
then. (barb with sign *don’t release! don’t release!)

A: ok la.I will call her back..

but til now…tarak call pun emm macam tu la kisah nyerr…

So here’s my message to this mysterious Azni, whoever she may be.

1. I obviously can’t recall who you are. If you had called me using VersaComm’s number, when I was in fact heading VersaTrend for the last 3 years, that would probably mean you are someone whom I haven’t heard from for at least 3 years. And if I haven’t heard
        from you for 3 years, there’s probably a very good reason for that.
2. Using "I’m her sister" tactic was, in fact, dumb. Did you think a PR Agency would reveal my number simply because someone claims she is my sister?  If you were my sister, wouldn’t it be strange that you don’t have my handphone number and even stranger that you don’t KNOW who Ita is?
3. And last but not least, if it had been of dire importance for you to reach me, wouldn’t it have been easier for you to leave your name and number so that Ita can call you back? Or so that Lina or Barb can pass your details to me?

My
conclusion is (and I think Ita, Lina and Barb would agree) this Azni, whoever
she is, is up to no good.

Azni, if you are reading this, here’s my message to you. I’d love to talk to
you, but only if I know who you are. You are obviously trying to get my number
using false pretences, so even if your intentions were well and good, right now
I don’t feel like I want to know who you are anyway. There was no Azni in my
life, won’t kill me to have no Azni in my life. At my age, I don’t need
mysterious friends. I only need papparazis.

I am smiling as I write this because I am listening to the backing music track to the normal battle in Final Fantasy X. In its days, I hear this song in my sleep. The battles never seemed that long so I was surprised when I saw that the track was more than 3-minutes long. Seemed awfully long when put into context.

I have passed the 3-month mark at the new job. I was informed a few weeks ago that I have been confirmed in my probation (the period is 6 months for my grade) and that I would be getting a nice little raise to go with that. Seems like a good excuse to go out, put on my red Renoma shoes and get drunk.

I attended a training for the past 2 days. Yesterday we had several breakout sessions that forced us to review the company’s operations and behaviour as well as assessing the customer-obsessed attitude in our respective organisations. Much to my amusement, our solution was identical to the one suggested by a professor from Harvard Business School. That forced me to re-assess the situation. If the people in my organisation know how to correctly identify and solve a problem, then why is there so many problems unsolved?

I asked the team to have teh tarik with me at the nearby mamak shop after the training was over. The subsequent discussion confirmed what I already suspected. That (i) They feel their contributions are not appreciated and (ii) In the cases where they put their foot down and agreed to embark on a course of action, they have to constantly defend that decision. These and a combination of other factors led to defeated morale as well as curbing the desire to be proactive.

I came from an organisation where, while my suggestions were not always necessarily adopted, the desire to do a job well-done surpassed the anxiety or apprehension that we may collectively feel. That was despite the fact that I was responsible for the bottomline and could have easily put profit  ahead of quality.

For me, I’d like to know that I can do my job capably as well as contribute to the organisational development, not just my personal need to be in a challenging situation. They smiled and said wait till you have been here for 5 years. That was my point exactly. In 5 years, you are supposed to be just as passionate, if not more, about your work as you are today. Are you going to be excited about your marriage only in the early phase and tire of it when you reach the 5-year mark? I don’t think so. It is important to love your job (why would you want to spend 16 hours a day doing something you hate?) and, more importantly, to constantly learn and adapt new techniques or ideas in order to grow the business. Ultimately you work for yourself, and to say "I’m sick and tired of all this there is no point to try anymore" would simply mean you are letting yourself down.

As I get older, I am beginning to sound more and more like a scary old hag.

Why can’t I write a funny, amusing blog like everyone else?

I took a leadership personality test today. I am … Bill Clinton. That made me chuckle. The thought of having interns fawning all over me offering BJ’s on demand sounds awfully… naughty.

I am in a chatty moood. My fever came and went. I am now left with a slight runny nose and residual headache that threatens to put me in a bad bood the whole day but I think in a day or two I should be as good as new.

Over the weekend I went to Strudels in Bangsar for my usual Sunday breakfast which I haven’t been able to do for the past 3 months due to a variety of reasons. It sounds so yuppie and frivolous, but a long time ago I decided that I am going to set aside a few hours for myself every week to catch up on my reading or thinking or whatever and I found that the best time to do that would be either at 4pm on a Saturday afternoon or 8am on a Sunday morning. The routine is simple, I wake up, take a shower, put on old clothes, grab my slingback and the stuff that I want to read or work on, flag a taxi and head down to Bangsar. Then, I will go to the morning market and buys flowers (always gerberas, and if that is not available, orchids or chrysanthemums) and then head to the nearby kedai mamak for magazines and newspapers.

Then, I’d head to Strudels, order a cup of coffee and a piece of cake or pasta, depending on how long I intend to waste, and sit there for hours until I am done with all my reading. I’ll call home to see if the people at home needs any groceries (they always do) and call a few friends to see if they want to hang out for the rest of the day. Only then I will get out of my bubble and join the living population.

Am listening to a lot of different things these days. Partly for inspiration, partly to see how the other side lives. Soundtracks have always been an area of interest.

Right now I am listening to a music clip called Hymn of the Fayth from the Final Fantasy 10 soundtrack. If you’d like, you can download the song here:

http://browse.files.filefront.com/Final_Fantasy_X_Media_Sounds_and_Music/;1315507;/browsefiles.html

Look for Hymn of Fayth. This version starts with a female voice, followed by drums. Ethereal and scary in a sad way. When you hear it for the first time while playing the game, I swear the hairs at the back of your neck will stand. It’s a beautifully crafted piece of music. Give it a go.

Song of Prayer (Hymn of the Fayth)

IN JAPANESE

Ieyui
Nobomenu
Renmiri
Yojuyogo
Hasatekanae
Kutamae

IN ENGLISH
Pray, saviour
Dream, Child of Prayer
Forever and ever
Bring us peace

I first read this in Reader’s Digest some time in 1998. To its credit, it did sound like something that Vonnegut would have written. Shortly after, it became a song by Australian film director Baz Luhrman. It all started innocently enough in June 1, 1997 article called Wear Sunscreen. The column set off an odd swirl of email, confusion and unruly hair all over the world. Chicago Tribune columnist Mary Schmich wrote this column when her editor asked her to imagine what she would say if she was giving a high school graduation speech. It wound up on the internet and was wrongly attributed to Kurt Vonnegut (though I did read somewhere that Vonnegut was very amused and honored that people made that mistake). Here’s the original version of the article:

Wear sunscreen…

If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience. I will dispense this advice now.

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. Oh, never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they’ve faded. But trust me, in 20 years, you’ll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can’t grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked. You are not as fat as you imagine.

Don’t worry about the future. Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind, the kind that blindside you at 4 p.m. on some idle Tuesday.

Do one thing every day that scares you.

Sing.

Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts. Don’t put up with people who are reckless with yours.

Floss.

Don’t waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind. The race is long and, in the end, it’s only with yourself.

Remember compliments you receive. Forget the insults. If you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Keep your old love letters. Throw away your old bank statements.

Stretch.

Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don’t.

Get plenty of calcium. Be kind to your knees. You’ll miss them when they’re gone.

Maybe you’ll marry, maybe you won’t. Maybe you’ll have children, maybe you won’t. Maybe you’ll divorce at 40, maybe you’ll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary. Whatever you do, don’t congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself either. Your choices are half chance. So are everybody else’s.

Enjoy your body. Use it every way you can. Don’t be afraid of it or of what other people think of it. It’s the greatest instrument you’ll ever own.

Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but your living room.

Read the directions, even if you don’t follow them.

Do not read beauty magazines. They will only make you feel ugly.

Get to know your parents. You never know when they’ll be gone for good. Be nice to your siblings. They’re your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.

Understand that friends come and go, but with a precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle, because the older you get, the more you need the people who knew you when you were young.

Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard. Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.

Travel.

Accept certain inalienable truths: Prices will rise. Politicians will philander. You, too, will get old. And when you do, you’ll fantasize that when you were young, prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders.

Respect your elders.

Don’t expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund. Maybe you’ll have a wealthy spouse. But you never know when either one might run out.

Don’t mess too much with your hair or by the time you’re 40 it will look 85.

Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia. Dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it’s worth.

But trust me on the sunscreen…