Killing Time

John Cusack tossing in bed and hysterically justifying his top 5 breakups in "High Fidelity". Welcome, with a bullet. I didn’t cry, but this scene was poignant and shows how stupid a guy could be when dealing with break-ups.  All love stories should be like this movie - fast, cynical and peppered with pop references.

Fuji Itsuki turning over the library card for the book Rememberance of Love Lost to see what was written at the back in the final scene of "Love Letter" (Japanese). Buckets of waterworks. I was already nursing a headache from the "Ogen ki desuka" scene at the mountains, but this one topped everything else. And it was right before the end credits so there is a sense of finality. Worth of the awards it won.

Smith Jared sitting and waiting patiently all night long for Samantha in front of the elevator at the Success Below 30s party - no questions asked, in "Sex And The City". Wow, a guy who doesn’t ask any questions knowing that his lady is bonking someone upstairs because he respects her independence? I’d marry someone like this is a minute. REALLY must see to believe.

Minami playing the song that "saved her life and sanity" on the piano to a stunned Senna in "Long Vacation" (Japanese) I didn’t cry. But, I thought … what a great moment. She proved her point without saying a word. Classy!

Shuji playing mortician on Kyoko while her family prepares for her funeral in "Beautiful Life" (Japanese). I can tell you exactly when I cried: the moment Shuji opened up the make-up case and started talking to himself. Kyoko’s death itself wasn’t so sad, and you were kinda expecting it because all the signs hinted that Kyoko would not make it to the last episode. But when Shuji started his monologue, and right up the moment it hit him that she was gone, oh man, it will hit you too.

P/s: Some people will call me a cheat because I have two dramas that featured Takuya Kimura on the list. But, if you haven’t seen any of them, you’re not qualified to complain. Make up your own list and see if I care.

Like all fairy tales, this one is about a princess and a prince. And like all fairy tales, this one starts with once upon a time.

Once upon a time there lived a very cute and adorable princess called I who lived in a great big palace called The World. I was a very cute and adorable princess indeed. I could make people laugh when they are sad. I could make people sing when they are blue.

And best of all, I could say I am Sorry, which is actually a very difficult thing to say for a lot of people. Except for a few minor flaws like not knowing how to cook to save her neck and her brutal honesty, I was perfect. All princesses in fairy tales are perfect.

In another part of the great big palace called The World, there lived a charming and handsome young prince named You. You were not such a bad prince himself. You know how to laugh and You know how to sing, although sometimes his voice can go terribly off key. But that was okay because a lot of people sing off key.

You had a magnificent toy called Honda Ferio that You like to ride fast like the wind. Except for a few minor flaws like not knowing how to be nice to himself and his inability to say no, You were perfect. This is a fairy tale. In a fairy tale, EVERYONE is perfect!

Anyway, one day I met You. At first, You and I were great  together. You and I both like to eat sushi and can sit for hours arguing about how to cure an incurable disease called Love. Now, Love is a very dangerous disease. Nobody is really cured. People only think they are cured, but the truth is they are not. When this happen they usually get married.
 
You and I have been in Love before with some other prince and princess. I thought I was cured from Love but it left her heartless. You thought You were also cured from Love but it left him heartbroken. Both You and I had the scars to prove it.

Sometimes just for the fun of it they compare scars and sad Love stories. Sometimes You and I sing together. Sometimes You and I play  Tilik Nasib, a very interesting game that I invented. Once, I  gave You a book about Love because You said You did not know what Love is. And once, I was given a bottle of what You claimed to be the best coffee in the World, because You knew I like to drink coffee. Once in a while I will laugh at You and once in a while I will make You feel annoyed. But generally it was a very nice system. Well at least they looked happy and laughed a lot.

Like all fairy tales, something bad must happen first before the prince and princess could live happily ever after. So in true fairy tale fashion, one day a disaster called Life happened.

Life in itself is not that bad, but Life when coupled with Love scars can be very dangerous indeed. Among others, Life could turn people into a Workaholic and can make people Forget, which is something that some people think is good, and some people think is bad.

But generally, whenever Life happened, it is not easy to predict the outcome. Like so many other princesses, I became fascinated with Life. And like so many other princesses with no magical powers, I began to forget certain things. That is the danger of being too fascinated with Life. Life can make anyone forget. And

I forgot. I forgot how to make people smile when they are sad. I forgot how to make people sing when they are blue. And worst of all I forgot how to say I am Sorry.

One day, I got mad at You. When two people got mad at each other, they will either argue or they will stop talking. In this Fairy Tale, You and I stopped talking and went back to their own parts of the World.

I said, "Hmmmm… maybe Life can be better without You."

And You said, "Hmmm.. maybe Life can be better if I am not around."

So they ignored each other and pretended that everything was okay even if they would not be friends anymore. But then something strange began to happen. I began not to be able to sleep at night.

Now sleep is very important because I work 16 hours every day and I need rest, which was what sleep is all about. But no matter how hard I tried and no matter how tired I was, I could not sleep well.

At first it was not so bad. I could sleep for a few hours and  then woke up and thought about You. Sometimes I dreamt about You and whenever this happened, I always woke up angry. Then it became less and less sleep and more and more wakefulness until I began to feel very tired and wearisome indeed.

Other people in the World also noticed that You and I were not talking anymore. Some people think, "Hmm … the answer is so simple. I must be in Love with You!".

They think like that because Love is a terrible disease and Love is generally known to make people do stupid things. And I did some REALLY stupid things. When I heard about this, I got even angrier and angrier with You.

The angrier I got, the more silent You became. The more silent You became, the angrier I got. Remember, in this Fairy Tale both You and I were hurt before by Love. I was heartless and You were heartbroken. When someone is heartless and another one is heartbroken, it is so easy to get angry and get silent even if they are not in Love.

So You and I continued being angry and being silent at each other and pretended that Time will take care of everything. Now Time is a very interesting concept. Generally it is known that Time can cure a lot of things, including the terrible disease called Love. You and I believe that Time can cure their anger and silence because Time was able to heal the scars that they got from their Love with some other prince and princess. You and I thought Time could also cure the anger and the silence.

Unfortunately, anger and silence were the two things that Time could not cure. In fact, Time could only make them get worse. Many moons passed and You and I were still not cured from their anger and silence. One night, as I lay awake in her bed, I heard a voice talking from her heart.

The voice said, "It doesn’t matter. Just say I am Sorry".

I thought about this for a while, and I liked the idea a lot. Finally I was able to sleep without having any angry dreams about You.

The next day I called You and told You that You and I should meet and talk. I found it was no surprise that You sounded serious and worn-out. Maybe You didn’t feel like talking. But I was a very persistent princess. When I want something, I will do everything I can to get it. And I always get what I want. Always. So, even though You sounded like You didn’t want to talk, I managed to convince that You and I should meet anyhow. So later that night, You and I met.

But fairy tales are not that simple. There is always another twist. This Fairy Tale has a twist too. Although I knew what I must say, when You and I met, I started to forget again. I forgot how to make You laugh. I forgot how to make You sing. And worst of all, I forgot how to say I am Sorry.

It was a very strange talk because there was very little talk.

Both You and I were reluctant to say too much because too much Time had passed since the last time they sit down and talk. I tried very hard to remember how to say I am Sorry but all I could remember was the lyrics to a song by Verve Pipe called The Freshman, which went something like this,

"..for the Life of me I could not remember, what made us think that we were wise and we wouldn’t compromise.."

It used to be a very popular song.

Anyway, the long night ended and feeling very unhappy, I went back to her part of the World. I thought, maybe this time I should completely forget about You. But as I sat in front of her computer called Compaq, I heard a voice talking from her heart again. The voice said only one word.

It said,"REMEMBER!"

And just like magic, I suddenly remembered what to do. The problem that You and I have cannot be solved using the usual way. It was time to make the Magic Box.

A Magic Box is a simple box made out of paper. Anyone can buy a Magic Box from the Magic Shop. But what makes a Magic Box magical is what people put inside it. A Magic Box can store anything, from letters to cards, to fairy tales and problems.

But there is one condition. Whenever a problem is put in a Magic Box, the problem will not disappear. The problem will stay in there forever until someone comes along and try to solve it.

That’s how a Magic Box works. It just stores a problem. Real people will have to open it and deal with it to make it disappear.

I thought long and hard and I think I found the answer. The answer to the problem that I need to solve with You is a magic potion called Laughter. That was the cure.

So I went to the Magic Shop and shopped for the ingredients to put into the Magic Box. I must choose the ingredients carefully because the wrong ones will not result in Laughter and if Laughter doesn’t happen, the problem that You and I faced will not be solved.

So what were the ingredients? These were what I put into the Magic Box to make Laughter :-

1. A box of Panadol for relief of headaches, fever and aches in case You get any headaches, fever and aches whenever I do or say something stupid.
2. 20 strips of Hansaplast Junior (ready-to-use strips with funny cartoon characters — painless to remove, skin friendly, water resistant and dirt proof; and hygienically single packed for convenience) in case Your heart is hurt by the things that I say or do.
3. 4 multi purpose Erasers in case You want to erase all the bad memories and pain that I have caused You.
4. One packet of Strepsil Vitamin C-100 in case You get a sore throat when You and I talk, because whenever You and I talk, it could be a REALLY long talk.
5. One box of New Kleenex Expression in case I made You cry.
6. 2 packets of ready-to-drink MILO (Minum MILO Anda Jadi Sihat Dan Kuat!) in case You need to be Sihat dan Kuat when You and I argue.
7. 2 packets of Quaker Chewy Granola Bars Perasa Oreo Cookies N Cream (Only 2.5 gram of fat per bar…very healthy) in case You need the extra energy to keep reading this Fairy Tale
8. And One pack of Kellogg’s Coco Pop, because the box says "The Choc Helps Me Rock" and I remembered that You like to Rock a Lot.

But those were not all. Right at the bottom of the Magic Box, far beneath The Panadol, The Hansaplast, The Erasers, The Strepsils, The Kleenex, The MILO, The Granola Bar and The Coco Pops, I put in as many HUGS and KISSES that I could find - because I know sometimes words are not enough to say all that I needed to say. Sometimes, when people hurt each other, saying I am Sorry doesn’t help much to ease the pain. Sometimes Hugs and Kisses can do a much better job in saying all the right things.

Since I couldn’t find the right words to say, I packed her Hugs and Kisses into the Magic Box and hoped they will work. Last but not least, I opened up her Songbook and copied down a song called "Needful Things". I wrote the song down to remind You that no matter what happens next, or whenever You feel like You don’t belong, the song will always be there to remind You that I am here. Originally I wrote the song for someone else, but under the circumstances I thought You deserve the song  better than anyone else.

Halfway through copying the song, I thought,"What the heck! I will just give You the original copy so that You will know that I really mean this." So I tore up the song "Needful Things" from her songbook, and put the paper inside the Magic Box.

There was one last thing to do. A Magic Box must always come  with an instruction manual, because without it You will not know how to use all the things that make the Magic Box magic.

So I sat in front of her Compaq and started to write this Fairy Tale. I almost didn’t know what to write, but slowly I wrote and wrote and wrote and wrote because I knew this is a very important Fairy Tale.

After I finished writing the Fairy Tale that will become the Magic Box’ instruction manual, I printed it and sealed the Magic Box. On second thought, I opened the Magic Box again and put in some Prayers. I did this because You were broken-hearted before, and I did not know whether You were fully cured or not. I sealed the Magic Box with Faith and Hope, tied a piece of white string across it and waited for the right time to come when I will give the Magic Box to You. The time is Now.

Now this is where the Fairy Tale ends. Will You and I be friends again? Will You and I live happily ever after? Will You and I finally find the cure for Love? Is the problem solved? Some people might even ask, "Will You and I fall in Love?".And for the first time in a long long time, I laughed. Why?

Because I don’t know the answer. This is the kind of Fairy Tale where the ending is up to You. But the Magic Box is magical indeed. When You opened the Magic Box, You were very confused. You saw The Panadol, The Hansaplast, The Erasers, The Strepsils, The Kleenex, The MILO, The Granola Bar and The Coco Pops, The Hugs and Kisses and The Song; but You didn’t understand what all these things mean. Then You saw the Fairy Tale. You picked up the Fairy Tale that I wrote, and as You read it, slowly You began to understand. And very slowly, You began to smile.

Now, this is not the ending yet. The end would be a long way ahead because this is the kind of Fairy Tale that will have a lot of sequels. This Fairy Tale is just like the Rocky movies. There were Rocky I, II, III, IV, V and if Sylvester Stallone was not so old, there could probably even be a Rocky 2000. Fortunately he was old so the World was saved from another Rocky sequel.

But it didn’t really matter because even if this Fairy Tale does not end with the words "..and they live happily ever after…", I am still very happy. Why? Because when it came to what mattered, I finally remembered how to say I am Sorry. And the best part was, I really mean it.

Maybe someday You will come again to the part of the World where I live and hear her sing The Song. That may happen, on the other hand, that may not happen. Life is not that easy to comprehend. Who knows? I don’t know what will happen next. And You also don’t know what will happen next.

But I do know this. I know that 10 years from now, when both You and I are old and grey and no longer blessed with the arrogance of Youth, You will remember the time when You received a Magic Box that I had painstakingly created, and how it finally made You laugh again.

THE  END

Ijah’s Note: This was an actual letter written as an apology to a friend about 6 or 7 years ago, spelling mistakes, grammatical error and all. Yes, the box was real. We had gone through an extremely rough patch and I was troubled - not just because I really cared about the friendship, but also because it wasn’t my place to behave the way I did. Life has taught me to handle these things better. But, I was coarse and angry and mule-headed until I realized I cared more about the relationship than whatever stupid misunderstanding that created it.

Was he in love with me? What do you think? Was I in love with him? *smile* It wasn’t that kind of relationship. I never asked, nor had the urge to find out. Let sleeping dogs lie.

Over time, life and work and everything else in between got in the way of our friendship. With the choices that we made, we knew we will no longer share the same closeness that we used to have. For better or worse. Those choices, they made us a better person. And for that I am glad. I know he is too.

Awa, if you are reading this, "Scream At Me" was for him. You know who he is.

You got your pen and paper? Better yet, print this, burn it, mix with 100ml of cold water (or juice, if preferred) and drink it so that you can commit it to memory.

1. Don’t ask me to sms or chat with you on instant messenger and then call me a prude when I don’t. I am sure you are a nice boy and your mom will be too happy to serve as reference. But I don’t sms and I don’t chat. Deal with that.
2. Don’t ask to get to know me better when what you mean is you want a good lay; or that your marriage is boring and you are looking for some action on the side; or that you want to date me and then eventually marry me and have me cooking gourmet meals for you in the kitchen of our loving and lovely home while you send "Can I get to know you better" emails to other girls on Friendster. Be a man. Say what’s on your mind. Cat and mouse games are for sissies.
3. Don’t tell me I have great bons bons. I know that. A blind man standing 265 miles away in pitch dark in the middle of a snowstorm knows that. Putting it in writing doesn’t give you extra brownie points. And by the way, only little boys call them bons bons. Grown-ups call them by their real name. BREASTS.
4. Don’t call me love, darling, sweetheart, honey, dear, poohbear, princess, munchkins, sweetie, cutiepie or whatever terms of endearment that you think would sound oh so cute. It’s not. If you have the urge to do so, give yourself the three-finger salute (that means press Ctrl+Alt+Delete, you pervert). I’m not 13 and I am not your honey. Just call me by my name.
5. Don’t ask me if I would like to try any of your manly services that includes licking, massaging or any form of physical contact whatsover. That, and cybersex or phonesex or IM-sex or SMS-sex or whatever you kids call it these days. I don’t jack off and if I do, I certainly don’t need your help. Not even if you ask me real nicely. No matter what those macho, testosterone-laden porn movie says, no still means no.
6. Don’t get mad and launch into a 16-page tirade telling me what a pompous, arrogant bitch I am when I don’t reply to your message(s). Believe it or not, I have this thing called a job to take care of and a real non-internet related life to live. If you can’t wait for my reply, suck it up, leave me alone and go play with some other girls. The bitch part, I already know that.
7. Don’t tell me what a great person you are.  I’m looking for friends, not a soulmate or a politician. If you are who and what you say you are, I’ll eventually figure that out myself. Advertising it won’t help. It only makes you look sad. Very sad.
8. Don’t forward me any of those oh so amusing, rib-crackingly funny and educational emails that you got from your friend’s sister’s nephew’s office-mate’s gym partner’s long lost grandmother. This is cyberspace. Hello? Chances are I have received those emails 54 times from hundreds of other well-meaning but slightly misguided friends. If you have nothing to say, just say Hello will do.
9. Don’t lie about your status to get a response from me or anyone else, for that matter. If you are married, say so. If you are in a relationship, say so. If you are divorced with 12 kids from different marriages, say so. The Internet may be faceless but it’s not a place for your alter ego to crow and prey. It’s never cool to hurt people with lies that you designed to fit the kind of life you think you deserve.  How long did you think you can keep it up till the truth catches up with you anyway?  Think about that.

I’ve been asked a lot about the bands that I listed in my profile. They are chosen because I fancied them at first listen. Have you ever had that rush? It is a rare, exhilarating experience. To borrow the phrase from Coldplay, it’s like a rush of blood to the head. Please excuse the verbosity of this entry because I am unable to write this piece in 200 words or less. Here they are, in no particular order of preference.

Live
The first song that I heard was ‘Selling the Drama’ and I thought "Oh I’d love to be able to play this." I didn’t know the name of the band or the song, so I hummed the tune to the guy at the record store. Happily, ‘Throwing Copper’ turned out to be one of the finest albums I ever gotten my hands on and Live has been a favourite staple in my CD player since. If I have to name my favourite albums as well, ‘Throwing Copper’ and ‘Distance From Here’ would definitely figure largely in the list. Live tends to write larger-than-life anthemic songs, with sometimes overly spiritual and confusing lyrics, but the songs are delivered with burning passion and conviction. Songs like ‘Run To The Water’ can, literally, uplift your spirits during a particularly difficult period in your life. Burnt to the core but not broken. Beat that.

Mr Children
To explain how powerful the impact of this band is on me, consider this. I have never heard of them, no one I know or the radio stations have ever played any of their songs and I don’t understand Japanese. Mr Children was an accident. I bought a 6-CD box set containing dorama theme songs and the song ‘Namo Naki Uta (Poem With No Name)’ was included in CD #4. I nearly pressed the next button when the song opened if it wasn’t for my sister who said let the song play. While she didn’t develop any particular liking towards Mr Children, I fell in love. If there is a moment when I could consciously say the damned three-letter-words: this would be it. I fell. Hopelessly. Madly. Completely. And I have never recovered. I may never will.

So, what can I say about them? Their lyrics are complex and achingly beautiful, but the songs are always written in a very simple manner that made you wish you had written them yourself. It’s amazing how deceiving their songs can be. ‘Everything (It’s You)’ sounds so much like a love song, but it’s a cleverly disguised cynical song about breaking up and saying goodbye. ‘Namo Naki Uta’ sounded like a feel-good song that you’d sing on a summery day, but it’s a courageous confession of a guy who can’t find the right words to express how he feels (hence the ‘Poem With No Name’). Each song is crafted with so much care and detail to attention, it’s impossible not to give them an A+ on effort alone.

Mr Children is one of those bands that continually blows me away with their extraordinary expressions of ordinary, everyday things that we take for granted. I love them. I love them. I love them.

Toad The Wet Sprocket
The ‘Dulcinea’ album was recommended to me by a friend after she learnt that I was listening to Live and Gin Blossoms. I was living the life of a poor student. It is laughable to recall that I couldn’t even fork out RM3.90 for a blank tape to duplicate the album! Immediately, I was taken by ‘Fall Down’. The line ‘For a good friend, I was never there at all’ did me in. I still get goosebumps when I think of it. Dulcinea was very good, a very well-produced album. I like Glen’s laidback singing and his simple, heartfelt lyrics. I like the way the songs are presented – with little adornment. There is an honest quality to it that makes you want to cheer them on….. yay, good guys can finish first. Though the band has disbanded, I remain a loyal fan. I still keenly follow Glen’s solo career. I wrote a song called ‘Needful Things’ as a direct tribute to the band.

Glay
What can I possibly say about Glay that hasn’t been said by millions of fans? I have heard so much about this band from as early as 1995 that I actually RESISTED listening to their album because I was afraid I would find them good just like everyone else. I only took it out for a spin after letting it collect dust in my CD rack for about a year. What an idiot! Glay is raw, honest-to-goodness rock and roll at its finest.

Glay appeals to me on so many levels. I like the fact that Glay is not ashamed of what they do. I like the fact that they started at the very bottom of the food chain and fought tooth and nail to get to where they are today. I like the fact that their albums sounded like something that could have come out of my own basement. I like their campy costumes and ridiculous hairstyles. Ben Stiller said it best in Keeping the Faith: "If you want to suck, suck with style". Believe me, Glay has no shortage in style, in whatever they choose to sing or play.

If you watch them in a concert, you would not know where to look because all 4 of them would be jumping around for attention – which is something you rarely see in other bands. The energy and chemistry is amazing. Their live sets are just as good - if not better- as their studio albums. Individually, each of them has powerful enough presence to make it on their own but as Glay they are formidable. Hisashi put it succintly when he said "Don’t ask me how good I am on my own. Ask me if I can I be as good as Glay, had I been with another band." I am running out of superlatives to describe them. ‘Beloved’ broke my heart, ‘Glorious’ reminded me of my own wasteful youth, ‘Yuuwaku’ brought memories of that dangerous romance, ‘Special Thanks’ mirrored my own struggles to get through life… I like them in so many ways it’s impossible not to include this band in this list.

Frente
A lot of times, I listen to a band because they are the anti-thesis of what is hot at that particular time. This desire to go against the grain is nothing new, there are times when I find myself going out of the way to be different simply because.  Sometimes it’s stupid (like in Glay’s case), and sometimes I discover something that I truly liked because I didn’t listen to what the music executives are telling me to listen to (like Mr Children).

I bought "Marvin the Album" because it contained Accidentally Kelly Street, a song that I was humming without knowing what I was humming to. Angie’s voice is disarmingly gentle and sweet; it’s hard to imagine her singing about something ugly. But she did, with panache, I might add, in songs like ‘Cuscutlan’ and ‘Pretty Friend’. The thing that I especially like is the fact that Frente uses simple words to express their songs. How do you say ‘It’s no crime to say that you don’t love her’ but simply as that? Frente has since been disbanded but they’d be in my top 10 list for a long time to come. If you’ve heard ‘Goobye Goodguy’, you’ll know why.

I googled myself today and I am ashamed to admit it. But wait. I have a very good reason for it. I was trying to see if the Mr Children website has gathered enough hits. Turned out, it was linked by this girl in her lycos website and it was listed at #40 or something. Sweet.

Then I came across this comment:

"I have been reading and rereading the contributions to this site for two years, and now would like to add my own comments. It is completely obvious that the spirit of Richard Feynman has been well-absorbed and expressed by all the contributors, but for me, the most evocative comments have come from Winang Asmara, Emily Hickey, Rafizah Amran, Stas Vonog, and Jennifer Kallmeyer. I hope that many, many more people will come to know the value of understanding and appreciating the character of Feynman."

Yes, that’s my name. Right over there. The one that’s in bold.

This piece that I wrote is my tribute to Mr Feynman. When I was in my 2nd year in university, I watched a documentary about him one late night after watching X-Files and crying like I knew him personally. Even the manner of his death, while painful, was extraordinary. Just like him.

I used to keep his quotes in a little note book that I carry around to remind me that it is okay to go against the grain. It has been 16 years since I first read his book. Till today, he’s still one of the people in my list of people that I’d like to invite to dinner. Obviously it is strange to feel so much adoration, admiration and respect for a dead guy whom you’ve never met. But for me Feynman remains, and always will be, an inspiration.

A THANK YOU FOR MR FEYNMAN

A lot of people discovered Feynman for various reasons. I discovered him out of vanity. I was studying in a boarding school and had to endure a six-hour train ride each time I went back to school after the holidays. I was always tired and anti-social during these rides because the train would be jam-packed with people. And if I was unlucky enough, I would have to stand during the most part of the journey.

So to kill my time (since I would be too irritated with everything to start small talks with my fellow passengers), I always have a book in my hand. Now, being a vain 16-year old, I would rather die than being caught with a romance novel. And so, in my quest to appear like a sophisticated genius, I grabbed (more like stole actually) Surely You’re Joking from my brother’s pile of books and pretended to read. As I didn’t want to look like a fake, I started reading right from the middle (if I started right from the beginning people would know I was just pretending to be a sophisticated genius!!). Less than five minutes later I regretted my vanity and started the book from page one.

I am no physicist and would probably never be one, but I guess you don’t have to be a sophisticated genius to appreciate Feynman. Ten years later, I still find myself amazed and in awe of this extraordinary human being, who single-handedly proved that you can be everything that you want to be if you put your heart and soul to it.

It is amazing how much you can learn from this incredible man, but if I have to choose one it would be the one where Feynman openly declared … What the hell do I have to care about what other people think. What else can I say but thank you. Wherever you are, thank you.

~ 1998 @ (www.fotuva.org/online/guestbook.htm )

This is probably the 4th blog I started. Wait, that’s 5th. No, it’s 4th, I’m sure. I started one under the name Love_For_Rent to document my internet dating misadventures but chickened out before the first date when my personal ad in match.com resulted in 52 marriage proposals (yes, thank you to the infamous white top photo).The 2nd one was for the Mr Children’s tribute website, which I had selfishly converted into a bulletion board to advertise my musical forays. Hah. The 3rd one was titled Ilhamrasa, that serves as a place for me to write when I am feeling a bit dark and irritable.

And yes, this is the 4th one. See, I knew I learned something useful in school.

Last night I was locked in the office. It wasn’t so scary as it was funny. When I started this new job, I was told in no uncertain terms that quitting time is at 6pm and work is no no over the weekends. I should be jumping in joy, right? After all, one of the reasons I took this job at the first place is to have some normalcy in my life.

So, the first month I did very well. By 7pm or 8pm I would be wandering aimlessly in Amcorp Mall or MidValley trying to find something to do or to see. Most of the time I’d end up reading a book in a coffeeshop somewhere or trying ridiculously high-heeled shoes of different colors and styles. I suddenly become socially available for late nights out at mamak stalls. It was great. Never missed a single episode of CSI or CSI:Miami either.

And then, there was yesterday. I was furiously completing a document when I realised it was 8pm. I stood up and peered outside the office. The main floor was silent except for the whirr of the water cooler (yeah, my new place has a water cooler!). I turned off the laptop, packed my MNG handbag with two handphones, a digital camera, my fat cat make-up bag, my wallet and coin purse, house keys, card holder, chewing gum and GameBoy Advance and made my way to the staircase.

As I was turning off the lights, I noticed that the main lobby downstairs was pitch dark. So, I left the lights on the staircase on and proceded cautiously. When I reached the lobby, I knew what I already suspected. They’ve locked me in. At 8pm. In Amcorp Tower. All alone. And the person who has the keys lives all the way down in Klang.

I went to the side door and flashed my electronic key at the card reader three times, hoping it will trigger an alarm and the adminsitrative people will be notified that someone is still in the building. I waited for the beep. And waited. And waited. Nothing. The alarm was not even activated. Did they leave the office in a hurry or what?

Someone outside waved at me. There stood this elderly gentleman, looking at me and realising I was trapped. He came to the glass door. Slide your card out, he said. Maybe I can open it from outside. I slid the card from under the glass door and told him my passcode. He tried several times. Nada. Sorry, he said. Maybe you should call someone.

I went to the reception and ruffled the papers to find the office directory. Called person A. No answer. Person B. No answer. Person C. No answer. I called 3 more people and none picked up the phone. What? Do these people refuse to pick up the phone outside office hours? Person #6 finally anwered. Alamak, I am in Ampang, he exclaimed. I can be there  but only at 10pm. Try Person A, he suggested, she’s living nearest to the office.

But she’s not answering, I whined. He said, okay, try this other person (let’s call him person #7.) I did, I said. He is in Klang. It will take him even longer to reach me. Then, I sat down and typed a furious SMS to all 7 of them explaining my predicament. I cannot miss CSI, I emphasised. This week the new boss Conrad Ecklie is breaking up Grissom’s team.

A friend sent me an SMS. Remember the Grudge? he asked. That scene with the girl in the elevator? Scary isn’t it? Building just like yours. I told him thanks, your sympathy is gut-wrenching.

5 minutes later the rescue team was alerted. What?! You are locked in? We’ll make some calls to make sure someone comes in and opens the door. You have your GameBoy right? That should keep you occupied.

Another friend suggested, try online porn for entertainment. Can’t say I wasn’t tempted.

At 9.26pm finally the back-up key came. The lady was apologetic. I was apologetic too. We both laughed. I felt bad. She had to drive all the way from SS2 and she’s no spring chicken. Must buy her lunch someday.

Shame on me for wanting to work late.

And to think that in the previous job, going home at 8pm was a luxury. Live and learn, baby.

Just live and learn.